Accepting Applications??

In modern times, people go to concerts and follow the lives of famous pop singers or reality TV stars. During the late 1700s and 1800s in France, guillotine executions were high entertainment, and some guillotine operators were national celebrities. People came to the Place de la Revolution in droves to watch the guillotine do its grisly work. The machine was honored in songs, jokes and poems. Spectators could buy souvenirs, read a program listing the names of the victims, or even grab a quick bite to eat at a nearby restaurant called “Cabaret de la Guillotine.”

French guillotiners were closely judged on how precisely and quickly they could perform multiple beheadings. The faster and cleaner their cuts, the more famous they were. And the job of a guillotiner was often a family business. One of the most famous was the Sanson family who served as state executioners from 1792 to 1847 and were responsible for executing thousands of people, including King Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette. People would chant the Sanson’s name in the street before a beheading and their choice of clothing on the scaffold inspired fashion trends.

While similar devices had been lopping off heads all the way back to antiquity, the name “guillotine” dates to the late 1700’s in France. The last use of the “National Razor”, as it became known, was in 1977 and it was officially decommissioned when France abolished capital punishment in 1981.

We feel like we live in an era of an ever-evolving job market. We worry that industries we know and roles we’re comfortable with are disappearing. But the truth is the job market has been continually evolving from the beginning of time. Yesterday’s hot job almost always becomes tomorrow’s extinct dinosaur.

Sometimes it can be scarry to see certain jobs disappear. Sometimes not. We thought we’d take look today at some unusual real jobs that used to exist but are no longer accepting applications. And for those of you who might be on the hunt for a new career, we’re wrapping up with some rather unusual jobs we’ve come across that actually do exist today.

Gone And Pretty Much Forgotten

Ornatrices:

Tasked with making the nobility look presentable in ancient Roman society these women could be thought of as early hairdressers, except they were enslaved to their owners. They would craft unique concoctions that would style their owners’ hair. This included mixing rotten leeches, crushed insects, squid ink, and bile to create darker dyes, or spreading pigeon poop and ashes over their owners’ head to create a lighter hue.

Lector:

In the early 1900’s, factory workers needed some entertainment to distract from their mindlessly repetitive tasks, so a lector would read news and literature aloud to them from a raised platform located somewhere in the middle of the factory floor. Sometimes the factory workers would even contribute from their weekly salary to fund these lectors.

Whipping Boy:

Likely not one of the most sought-after jobs of ancient times, when a prince would misbehave, since it was against the rules to punish “royal blood” with a spanking, a whipping boy was assigned to the prince and would take the spanking for him.

Knocker-Uppers:

No, not what you’re thinking from the name. This was essentially a human alarm clock. A popular profession in Britain and Ireland in the early 19th century, these people were hired to go to homes to wake up sleeping workers. They would bang on a window if the client lived on the first floor. For higher floors they would carry a long stick to tap on the window or shoot peas through a tube at the window to wake up their clients. This position existed into the 1970’s in some parts of England.

Groom of the Stool:

In medieval England, servants assisted monarchs in virtually everything, including providing royal “assistance” when it came time for the king or queen to spend some time on the porcelain throne. The groom of the stool would constantly carry a portable commode with towels, a washing bowl, and water. While the monarch was doing their business the two would chat about events and, over time, this position became more of an advisor on fiscal policy, with the groom of the stool holding an unofficial position similar to that of treasurer. Apparently, finance and feces are more closely related than we knew. King Henry the VIII had four “grooms” and he knighted them all.

Wool Fuller:

Before fabric softener became a thing, people had a very peculiar way of making cloth, especially wool, feel more pleasant on the skin. Fullers would “full” the cloth using their feet and the main ingredient that made the fabrics softer was stale urine. The ammonium salts in urine would help to soften, cleanse, and brighten the cloth. Urine was even taxed because of how often it was used in the “fulling” process. Dating back to ancient Rome, the job of stomping around in other people’s old urine for hours at a time became especially important in medieval England, where wool production was a very lucrative business.

Computer:

This actually used to be someone’s title. Before electronics took over, these workers would convert figures and crunch numbers by hand. They literally computed. They worked in a variety of fields – including engineering at NASA – until they were replaced by what we more familiarly refer to today as “computers”

Resurrectionist:

Also known as “body snatchers”, resurrectionists would dig corpses out of graveyards and sell them to medical schools in the 18th and 19th centuries. At the time, the only legal way for medical schools to obtain a dead body was after a criminal execution, but demand outstripped supply, thus giving rise to the role of resurrectionist (pun intended). Legally speaking, stealing a dead body was only a misdemeanor. From a religious perspective, one might say it was a grave sin.

Flatulist:

Known as braigetoirs in Ireland, these were professional farters. Yes, this was a real job in times past. Flatulist work existed for a very long time. Saint Augustine, in the fourth century wrote about flatulists, “they possessed such command of their bowels and can break wind continuously at will, so as to produce the effect of singing.” (Grammy awards committee, please take note!) Some became celebrities of their time such as Roland the Farter, who performed annually for the court of English King Henry II. The King was such big fan that he eventually rewarded Roland with 30 acres of land and a giant manor house.

Accepting Applications Today

Iceberg Mover:

Your role will be to keep track of iceberg locations and offer safe detours around them. You also might be called on to tow an iceberg away from a specific location. This concept came into being after the sinking of the Titanic in 1911. An iceberg mover can expect around $70,000 annually.

Pet Food Taster:

These are humans hired to taste food meant for pets. You’ll be required to comment on the taste, texture, and packaging of the pet food. If you’re report is favorable, then our furry friends all over the world can enjoy it as well. $40,000 annually (antacids can be negotiated at time of hiring).

Human Scarecrow:

Similar to a human mannequin, but a more challenging job as it involves tolerating different kinds of weather and some bird waste. No specific body type required. $15/hour.

Panda Fluffer:

Pandas are notoriously challenging to encourage to procreate. Your job is to encourage them. You will use a feather duster – and a considerable amount of caution – to get these reserved animals in the mood. You can earn up to $20,000/year (and, one assumes, some life-long friends) at the China Giant Panda Protection & Research Center in Ya’an, Sichuan Provence, China.

Paper Towel Sniffer:

Your role will be to make sure that paper towel producers produce a high-quality product devoid of offensive odors. If you have a nose for paper towels, you could earn as much as $50,000 annually putting it to use.

Dog Surfing Instructor:

Yes, this is a thing. Apparently, there is a market for teaching dogs to surf. Professionals are hired to instruct owners and their pets in surfing. $13/hour.

Adult Toy Tester:

You will be employed to evaluate the novelty aesthetic appeal, and utility of prototypes of new adult toy goods. Skill set, we guess, depends upon the toy being tested. $25/hour. The fringe benefits speak for themselves.

Train Pusher:

As an “Oshiya” in Japan, your role will be to push passengers into overcrowded train cars, at peak hours, as quickly as possible by pushing them from outside until the doors close. $28,000/annually.

Deodorant Tester:

If you’re the type that enjoys poking your nose into other people’s business, then this could be the dream job for you. Your role is to stick your nose into other people’s armpits to evaluate how well deodorants are masking their body odor. $40,000/annually + free monthly smell test.

So, as we all know, the job market is constantly evolving, leaving some professions in the dust while giving rise to new, and sometimes bizarre ones, all the time. It can definitely be a wild and scarry ride.

Tell us about the craziest job you, or someone you know, has had in the comments below.

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